On the day of judgement

On the day the man will flee from his brother" (80:34)

This ayah was continuously striking my mind since many days. Why?

I know but I think I should ponder upon it.

I feel it's a big task for me to reflect on a Quranic verse, because I don't consider my ability to reflect that deeply.

I think that Allah S.W.T wants every human being to visualize that day when his own brother will not be interested in him. Previously I thought that a human being was so much worried about his OWN destiny that he was least worried about anyone even his family members. But now I feel maybe Allah S.W.T wants every person to imagine how painful it will be to see his own parents or brother or sister or spouse or kids don't want to talk to him or even recognize him.

If we live in any other part of world and some day we encountered someone we know, we get pleased and excited.

If that person is part of our family than the feeling would be more intense.

But that day will be entirely different.

I sometimes feel that Allah S.W.T gives some experiences in our lives to give a slight glimpse of that day. There are ayahs of Allah all around us so in our lives and in ourselves. If we ponder that what emotion we have for our own siblings, we fight with them, criticize them and sometimes even stop talking to them. But the moment any other person (though s/he is a good friend of ours)criticize our sibling we are not able to withstand the negative comments about our brother or sister.

So it's a strange  nature of love we have blessed with for our siblings, it's really tough and unbearable to be misunderstood by our siblings and face their grudges.

O Allah make my accounting an easy accounting. Ameen

Ayesha
Written on July 12, 2017

My Reflections

Right from my childhood when I looked around I found some people whose intellectual level​ was more than normal people, they took situations differently, their responses was more mature and they seemed to be more cool minded. One thing which I observed was that many of those people were men. I'm not gender biased but I saw most of the times that men are more mature, my elder brothers and even one who's 3 years younger​ to me were also one of those people. I thought many a times that I didn't get inspired by the women more, I had many friends in my student lives but they were more focused on their own lives only, all girls. This made me think a lot of time that as the population of boys is more than of girls at my home might be the reason for this perception. 

One more thing which once I heard from someone was about a person who was a learned person that any of his child wasn't as much intelligent as he was. I thought that's true but why???

Recently I was telling some stories to my youngest one and while reading these books, I realized that the writer had dedicated the book to his mother, then in another biography I found that the mother's love of Learning influenced the child so much that he was able to contribute in the society.

These books and biography was of people from our region, not of West.

This made me reflect that the great people were great because of their mothers, the child observes her mother closely, there are many perceptions seeped in a child's personality through the mother as roots absorb the water from the land where the plant is, whether the child is a girl or a boy.

Naturally boys become closer to their fathers, but what they have absorbed through their mothers wasn't easy to erase or remove.

An intelligent man isn't able to influence his children because of two reasons.

1. He has a cause or mission, which takes a lot of time, physical, intellectual energy of that person.

2. There are many perceptions and habits of mind child had received, so in the limited interaction with his children he doesn't realize what world view their children are having.

So if in any phase of life, they looked at their children they realized that their children think differently, and from there, their ways​ start to part.

If an intellectual person isn't able to influence his wife and lives his life by only his own commitment to the vision he has in his mind, is I think not doing justice not only with his own family, but also with himself and with the society too.

When he wants to sit and talk, his own family is unable to receive and internalize his ideas, thoughts and understanding.

What these great people's mothers did was also the result of their own mothers (I guess) because the more I ponder I realize importance of my own role in my family.

I feel that if my father worked on developing my mother's perceptions and made her think with maturity, we all siblings had more mature way of looking at things, situations and life.

Not only my father there are many persons could become an influence for this society by just make their presence felt not only physically but mentally and off course verbally.

Ayesha
Written on May 14, 2017

What a child thinks about his parent?

Is it important for a mother to know that what her child thinks about her, yesterday when Ibraheem was reciting Quran and a thought came to my mind that what my child thinks about me, how he describes me in​ his mind.

To understand his feelings and also of other children I have to go back to past.

I know and keep this in my mind during writing that it's not a parents' responsibility to please their children or to satisfy them because parents should fulfill their responsibilities(and there might be some aspects their kids don't like)whether their children like those or not.

When I go to my past I perceive my father as a person who respects me, that's what I always feel​ about him.

But how I feel about my mother is a bit challenging for me to think about. I love her a lot, I remember that whenever she got sick, I cried a lot, anyhow I was "Master of crying", it was painful for me to see her in discomfort and also a fear of losing her. Many thoughts came to my mind during her illness.

But if someone would ask me that what I feel about her when I was young,definitely only I can ask this question to myself to get the genuine response. She was a person who's never pleased or happy with me. I can recalled many experiences, events when I did something and looked at her not for the praise, not for the approval only for a smile, a nod or a hug. But I always found expression less gestures, I was never assured of her satisfaction not up till now, I am 40 by the way.

If I would go back to my past and describe my parents I can say about my father as " a principle- centered person who is aware of strengths and weaknesses of all his children very well, he never shared those with anyone" but I am sure about the unconditional respect I received from him. 

About my mother I always appreciate her skills, even I hadn't received from all she has. I tried to learn all skills more to please rather than to acquire these. But I am not sure whether she was pleased with me or not by her expressions​ or her words or her actions.

The purpose of digging the past is not to criticize my mother, or to find out flaws of her parenting but to analyze my own self as every woman received most of her mother's traits. 

I recalled once I asked Zainab during my workshop preparation that what you want to listen from me, she said 'agar aap ye kahain ke main aap ko achhi lagti hoon' when I gave a response to her later on ' Zainab aap achi hain' she replied ' No I don't like to listen that but I like when you say, "mein aap ko achhi lagti hoon".

I was amazed that how little words made difference for others, especially if these OTHERS are your own kids.

Today I told Zainab and Ibraheem about their specific strengths and phrased it like, "Zainab mujhe aap ki ye baat acchi lagti Hai ke..." And same tried with Ibraheem and saw a little difference in their attitudes.

I personally think after this pondering what I have to change in my attitude is to be positive in my gestures, words and actions so that it would create impact on their personalities and also do some deliberate moves to realize my role better, otherwise I will be only their mother, not a mentor.

May Allah help me to change. Ameen.

Ayesha
Written on June 01, 2017

Have I ever realized my role as a MOTHER?

Have I ever realized my role as a MOTHER?

Right from my childhood when I looked around I found some people whose intellectual level​ was more than normal people, they took situations differently, their responses was more mature and they seemed to be more cool minded. One thing which I observed was that many of those people were men. I'm not gender biased but I saw most of the times that men are more mature, my elder brothers and even one who's 3 years younger​ to me were also one of those people. I thought many a times that I didn't get inspired by the women more, I had many friends in my student lives but they were more focused on their own lives only, all girls. This made me think a lot of time that as the population of boys is more than of girls at my home might be the reason for this perception. 

One more thing which once I heard from someone was about a person who was a learned person that any of his child wasn't as much intelligent as he was. I thought that's true but why???

Recently I was telling some stories to my youngest one and while reading these books, I realized that the writer had dedicated the book to his mother, then in another biography I found that the mother's love of Learning influenced the child so much that he was able to contribute in the society.

These books and biography was of people from our region, not of West.

This made me reflect that the great people were great because of their mothers, the child observes her mother closely, there are many perceptions seeped in a child's personality through the mother as roots absorb the water from the land where the plant is, whether the child is a girl or a boy.

Naturally boys become closer to their fathers, but what they have absorbed through their mothers wasn't easy to erase or remove.

An intelligent man isn't able to influence his children because of two reasons.

1. He has a cause or mission, which takes a lot of time, physical, intellectual energy of that person.

2. There are many perceptions and habits of mind child had received, so in the limited interaction with his children he doesn't realize what world view their children are having.

So if in any phase of life, they looked at their children they realized that their children think differently, and from there, their ways​ start to part.

If an intellectual person isn't able to influence his wife and lives his life by only his own commitment to the vision he has in his mind, is I think not doing justice not only with his own family, but also with himself and with the society too.

When he wants to sit and talk, his own family is unable to receive and internalize his ideas, thoughts and understanding.

What these great people's mothers did was also the result of their own mothers (I guess) because the more I ponder I realize importance of my own role in my family.

I feel that if my father worked on developing my mother's perceptions and made her think with maturity, we all siblings had more mature way of looking at things, situations and life.

Not only my father there are many persons could become an influence for this society by just make their presence felt not only physically but mentally and off course verbally.

Ayesha

Do we really REFLECT?

Do we really REFLECT?

Written on May 18, 2017

Every human being has some strengths and weaknesses, it's my perception that each person has to see himself in order to be in an alive state.

As Allah S.W.T gives biological system through which bodies cleaned and strengthened by absorbing the healthy nutrients and excreting the waste or unneeded substances.

Allah ta'ala has also given us another system through which we have to absorb the good things which we come to know through Reading, observing people around us and also through reflecting on our own selves.

I personally think the last one is most important because if a person lives in a place where nobody is doing anything good and not a single positive stuff available to comprehend around, is there any chance for this person to do good deeds and throwing out the garbage which is producing inside him, yes he's able to.

The system which Allah ta'ala has installed in us is able to do this but I think if we're unable to ponder on our own selves, there's a chance that we wouldn't be improved.

I'm​ amazed to realize that if a person is unable to revisit his thoughts and review his actions whether he's living in a positive environment he might be remain stagnant with all the impurities and contaminants and the person is unaware of this.

I personally feel that being in an environment where there's not a single negative element exists, I was unable to ponder on my own self, when did this happen, when was the last time I reviewed my own actions, I couldn't recall.

When I think, I realize one thing, I actually revisiting my beliefs/ perceptions, I was so conscious about my perceptions that I forgot to review my actions, words, gestures, expressions. But the impact can be created through your efforts, for example 1/2 an hour before I was watching a video " Fajr & Discipline" with Ibraheem, I started to explain at a point by translating, and he responded "I can understand English" I thought for a while; what's my purpose of doing that wasn't clear to him, he just observed my action and responded and he was right.

Yesterday when I was in a gathering where our students were sharing the changes they have in their lives after the course, it made me think a lot about my actions, I have to work a lot on my deeds, are they really synced with my perceptions or those perceptions are located somewhere else and stop influencing my actions.

May Allah help me to overcome this gap which was created inside me. Ameen.

Ayesha

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